Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
