I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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