I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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