I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm too high and old for this...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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