first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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