is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
