Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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