ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
