cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
