I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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