omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
