Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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