I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
