The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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