Who did Billy Mays play for?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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