If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
