We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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