Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
