i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
