Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
