Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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