I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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