I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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