Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
