sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
