let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
