My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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