the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
