I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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