uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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