I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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