I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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