New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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