I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
