This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
