So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
