i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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