There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
