Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
