After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
