The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
