Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
