I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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