All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Randomize
