I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
