According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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