Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
