I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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