yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can't special order awesome
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
