You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize