you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
