loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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