Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
