The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
