Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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