Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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