You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
