I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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