So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
