hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
