I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
