that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
