I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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