There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
