Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
