Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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