sarcasm needs its own font
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
