I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
