On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
