I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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