New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
