farters have to be the big spoon...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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