I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
