Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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