My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize